sounds like you need a better MEP consultant... the biggest problem with elec vs arch, is the fixtures themselves. i (electrical) use my own lights (and turn the archie's off), because my families are set up to circuit, tag, and display properly, and have my visibility parameters for emergency hatching, etc. built in. most of mine are plain recessed or surface boxes or cylinders. i don't show the lenses, louvers, screw threads, that come with manufacturer downloaded families, they just bog down the model (all that info is available in the light fixture schedule by type). along with the fact that none of the electrical connectors are ever set up right, nor will all the fixtures schedule properly...
the battle is also in the ceiling itself. when the arch fixture cuts a hole (2x4 or downlight circle) in the ceiling, my fixture can't host to the face anymore, because it's been cut out. so they get left orphaned in place when the ceiling height changes. the ultimate workflow would be that the architect would copy/monitor the engineers light fixtures, which by being in their model, would cut the ceiling surfaces (for gyp patterns, etc.) but for me as the engineer to be able to face host to that ceiling (without holes cut in it).
the way we see it is... you spec it, you model it. i don't want my archie telling me lighting spacings as much as they don't want my opinion of whether a wall should shift a few inches or not...
personally, i'm very ocd, as far as hosting to ceiling faces and snapping to grids, and making sure fire alarm devices, occ sensors, air terminals and such are each on their own tile.
hth,
mike